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“Everything Is Totally Fucked Altogether”
By Jakob Muck.
From The Album “Onslaught”
Copyright Ambivalent Passion Music 1994
One evening, it must a been jus’ around 6 O’ Clock cause I could hear the church bells wailin’, I was wanderin’ round this strange, strange town and… a lot of strange things were going on and I kept some of those thoughts with me and one day, a while later, I sat them down and wrote this song and, ah, I hope you like it, it’s called Everything Is Totally Fucked Altogether.
The insipid diplomat implied
That Mother Nature’s lover died
The governor had his body fried
And the corpse was turned to compost
In hallways prim with snarling portraits of queens
The muck-rakers sit and count their beans
They do it all with faces so serene
It makes you ill to see it
On empty highways just about dawn
The uncivilised desist to spawn
And slumber after putrid yawns
In pick-up trucks, jalopies
In the antiquated Laundromat
A lonely woman strokes an ugly cat
It snarls at a passing bureaucrat
Who is heading towards the courthouse
I’m wandrin’ around a strange, strange town
Everything’s the right way up but also upside down
Everything is totally fucked, fucked forever, yeah
Everything is fucked altogether. (Sing It, Mama)
An angry drunk with his eyes on fire
Calls the moon a fool and the sun a liar
And mumbles out of tune with the children’s choir
Who are singing a song about oceans
A man wearing a Ronald Reagan mask
Sips cold soup out of a warm hip flask
And thinks about how he can solve the task
Of makin’ sense of something
Johnny the queen and Judy the prince
Try to remember the time that has past since
Either of them had a good hot rinse
At the Turkish baths at the docks
A smoked cigarette lying used in the gutter
Is heard by a drugged man to sardonically mutter
“I played professional golf without the use of a putter
What in god's name have you done?”
I’m roamin’ around a strange and eerie town
Nothing is the right way up but nothin’s upside down
Everything is totally fucked, fucked forever, yeah
Everything is fucked altogether. (Come on, baby)
A window is smashed by an aggravated doctor
Whose patent’s been stolen by Gamble and Proctor
His wife is now crying because he’s locked her
In the bathroom ‘til she washes her hands
Two lovers kiss, caress each other’s faces
But they are in two completely separate places
And neither will admit that after all the chases
They have been chasing someone else’s dream
A man in a club is in for a brawl
Another man will get riled by his harsh, cutting drawl
“I could easily have her, but you couldn’t at all”
Are the words he should never have spoken
In the mind of a sickly, consumptive nun
God is holdin’ his hands up, Satan’s holding a gun
Says “it’s about time I had me some fun”
And starts makin’ the fucker dance
I’m ramblin’ around a strange and ugly town
Everything’s the wrong way up but never upside down
Everything is totally fucked, fucked forever, yeah
Everything is fucked altogether. (Take it away, boys)
In the didactic ocean, the puppet cowboy sighs
“If a kiss a milkman, a fire engine dies”
Then his shipmates crowd round and all yell surprise
And throw him into a cave full of whores
The drug dealer quilts with a HIV pos’
No-one exactly knows the reason because
They sit in silence and watch The Wizard of Oz
But the TV is facing the wrong way
Why says to something where exactly is what
Something says “ I don’t know, you better ask not”
Not says he’s sittin' by the old coin-slot
But that doesn’t even make any sense
Guinevere dreams about psychedelic trees
It’s an abstract allusion to the birds and the bees
She equates nature with erotic unease
So she strokes the bark rather coyly
I’m amblin’ around a strange, curious town
Everything’s the right way up but also upside down
Everything is totally fucked, fucked forever, yeah
Everything is fucked altogether. (Take it on home now)
A ragged man sings with his hat on the ground
A few drunks ask if he can sing something profound
He says “my profundity is internationally renowned”
So they weigh him down and throw him in the ocean
The bishop on the altar puts a blindfold on his eyes
Say’s “there’s only one thing in this life I despise”
He rubs down deep between his chasuble’d thighs
And then proceeds to say absolutely nothing
Are slumpin’ round the backstreets, tryin’ to get laid
If that’s gonna happen, someone needs to be paid
The scene is all too harrowing to witness
A cop, he stares at me with a hideous frown
Says “round here you’d better keep your dirty head down
What are you even doing in this strange, strange town?
Best find some other hovel in which to dwell”
I said I’ve seen many places,
Regarded many faces,
Left my fair share of traces,
Always strapped up my laces,
Always stepped to proper paces,
Never insulted no races,
Solved quite a number of cases,
Never kissed a girl with braces
Dealt my share of aces
Strummed a multitude of basses...
And never did I ever put on no earthly airs or graces
He grinned and spat and laughed and stared hard down at his laces
Said “That really ain’t the type of guy that this here town embraces”
I’m wandrin’ around a strange, strange town
Everything’s the right way up but also upside down
Everything is totally fucked, fucked forever, yeah
Everthing is fucked altogether (I'm going home)
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